Queer Eye for No Guy

The dictionary's first definition of the word gay is; lighthearted and carefree, characterized by cheerfulness or pleasure. The secondary description of that word is homosexual. Intended for or used by homosexuals. Am I crazy or shouldn't that be changed? In the world that we are currently residing in should not Webster's define the term gay as homosexual first then lighthearted and carefree? Because that is what we are constantly inundated with on network television and in theaters.

Long ago network television would not even allow a man and woman to be shown beneath the covers together in bed. Today you see both men and women not only in bed, but even kissing. In today's society everything is excepted. It is 'a whatever feels good' now mentality and NO ONE is held accountable for ANYTHING!

In the last 60 years our society has taken many giant leaps forward. From racial equality to major technology. Yet our morals have quietly disappeared. This country was built upon a foundation of family values and Christianity. Now neither of these core institutions are anywhere near the top of today's American agenda.

Just 12 years ago I did not have a cell phone. Now, I am not exaggerating when I say that I do not believe I could live with out one. What a truly sad commentary this is. An average middle income family is considered lower class if they do not have a babysitting DVD player in their high tech mini-vans! It is disgusting! iPads and iPhones are as important to us today as eyeballs!

My grandparents spent their golden years living in a trailer inside the confines of a trailer park. Even though my grandfather was a lifelong carpenter he felt that it made sense financially to rent during his last few innings of life, saving his money for necessities. In today's superficial, I am better than you world, it is frowned upon to disgrace one self if your home does not sit two stories high and does not bankrupt you. What is even funnier are the people who do live in the lower class trailer parks. The ones that have a satellite on top of their rectangular kingdom, while a $40k SUV sits parked outside of the pad right next to the ski boat that these freakin' hoosiers take to the river every weekend. This is America, where freedom does and should come first, but at what cost?

Most things socially have gone to Hell in a handbasket today. It may have started as early as Woodstock, but I believe it began more recently with a 1994 episode of Rosanne. It shocked network television and nothing has been the same since!

Rosanne's friend Nancy, an open lesbian, had a girlfriend, played by actress Mariel Hemingway, who kissed the rotund funny woman during prime time television! Since then it seems as if most everything is socially accepted. Now there are show's named "Queer as Folk" and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!" Will and Grace, Rosie O'Donnel, Ellen Degeneres and even the Simpsons have resorted to pushing the GAY agenda upon Anytown U.S.A. Even though only ultra liberal cities can really relate to and appreciate all of the same sex propaganda on television today.

There was a time long ago when divorce was unacceptable, much less gay divorce. Now not only is divorce ok, but multiple divorce is common practice. It used to be shameful to fail in marriage. Now it is sometimes actually celebrated with divorce parties!

This is not what George Washington and our founding father's had in mind! Do you think that when Patrick Henry coined that infanmous phrase "Give me Liberty or give me death" that he really meant give me liberty or give me gay marriage? Do you think he meant give me liberty or give me free shit? I can't smoke a cigarette in a bar, but two guys can copulate in wedded bliss anywhere from Iowa to Massachuaetts? Good thing Ray Charles was blind when he sang "America the Beautiful" because he sure wouldn't want to see two guys having a tongue war, while true Americans fight a real war just so they can wed!

Long ago it was unheard of to have a kid out of wedlock. Today fetuses can be ripped from the woom just weeks away from birth! The President of our United States believes in just that. He once said that he would one day teach his daughters right from wrong when it came to the birds and the bees, but if they made a "mistake" they did not have to suffer with it! A mistake? Suffer? If only his mother would have thought him to be a mistake! Maybe our country would be on a better path.

That the United States still stands today is a minor miracle. Everything is geared towards eliminating God from most everything. Our pledge of Allegiance has been under attack for years and if you do not believe in separation of church and state, than YOU are the radical!

We as a nation have lost touch with what once made this country the blueprint for the rest of the globe. I can not speak for the majority, only my insignificant self, but when I was a young boy I thought that the Dad was supposed to work, Mom took care of the kids and the word crap was a mortal sin.

Presently teenage girls are blowing more boys than bubble yum bubbles and having more babies than a middle eastern bomber has virgins. Adolescents today know more about sex than I do at age 35!. Why shouldn't they? With double income families being both the norm and the only way to survive because of the luxuries that we deem necessary, parents do not raise children anymore. Daycare's and nannies do! Complete strangers influence our children's future everyday! They mold our youth! The unfiltered education one's untudored and untrained child receives from the Internet and multi-media sources will one day bring our spoiled culture to its deserving knees and soon.

We live in a world where the victim is no longer the victim and the criminal is the protected one. We have people suing restaurants because the coffee was too hot and they win millions, yet if a woman is raped it is her responsibility to prove that she did not deserve it! Hell, you have to do a broad search just to see if a child molester is your neighbor! Yet the ACLU still believes that we should separate church from state? The only argument for that is because we have Priests as pedophiles and alter boys forever altered!

Just the other day I read an article where 7 or 8 homosexual Lutheran Ministers in the disgusting city of San Fransisco were allowed to be pastors! WHAT? Seriously? How is that possible? I have absolutely no problem with two people in the privacy of their home being GAY! Two women making love, two men, yuck, Hell I don't give a damn if you want to screw a beagle and a chicken at the same time. Just don't push your agenda down my throat. NO PUN INTENDED. But having thy audacity to cloak thy religion under the cloud of cum that they stand by while they preach to millions makes me sick and the Lord our Shepherd is going to make us pay! Us? Yes us! Because we do nothing to end the madness. To change the plight of this once proud nation UNDER GOD!

This country has lost its way. The current administration is not to blame, but they are doing everything that they can to further that secular progressive CHANGE that is the liberal movement!

To me it is compelling to watch the steady decline of our society. Eroding slowly before our eyes and iPhones. In the last decade popular television shows such as Seinfeld, Friends, The Office, Entourage and even the macho Sopranos all felt it necessary to cram their queer itineraries upon the American public. So the next time you go to purchase that lap top, dvd or big screen plasma, realize that on them you will be watching the straw that BROKEBACK America's purple MOUNTAIN's majesty above the FRUITED plain!

You want change? Well then change your damned address. Get the Hell out of my country! The only great country still standing, before you bring us all down with you!

Chris Kalna (R)

T.O. Idea KO'd

By Chris Kalna - -July 26th, 2010

Terrell Owens has been an enigma. His career numbers are worthy of Hall of Fame consideration. His career antics are worthy of raised eyebrows. Guilty of being as talented and physically gifted as any wide receiver of his era, yet at the same time being as frustrating and disrupting as any wideout of his generation. A generation that has embraced the "give me the damn ball" persona that fellow wide reciever Keyshawn Johnson created while playing for the New York Jets early in his career.

The position of wide receiver in the National Football League is a demanding one. Requiring its best athletes to possess an air of supreme confidence on the field and apparently off of it as well. Lately the behavior of many of the NFL's premier wide receivers of today has been self serving, irresponsible and narcissistic. Brandon Marshal, Randy Moss, Chad Ochocinco, Carolina's Steve Smith, Vincent Jackson, Santonio Holmes, Mike Sims-Walker, Michael Crabtree, Plaxico Burress, Donte Stallworth, Matt Jones, the late Chris Henry, Anquan Boldin, and T.O. all have made some serious headlines over the last several years. Disturbing actions ranging from shooting themselves accidentally, to vehicular manslaughter. Changing their last name, to admittedly not playing hard on every down. This is the baggage that comes with today's primma donna wide receiver.

It should not come as a complete surprise though. Peter Gent an ex-Dallas Cowboy wide receiver known more for his famous book "North Dallas Forty" than catching passes was a pioneer in trouble making. The book which was successfully adapted into a popular motion picture during the 70's shocked the NFL and its fan base. His dirty fiction tell all was basically a biography on America's Team, the Cowboys of the late 1960's and early 1970's exposing the outlandish actions of the world's most popular franchise.

Another ex-Cowboy wide out Butch Johnson was one of the first inventor's of the post touchdown celebration. After scoring he would emulate an old gunfighter by pulling out both fingers and blowing on them as if they were smoking six shooters. Andre Rison of Atlanta Falcon fame had plenty of trouble. Not only getting into one of the ugliest on field dust ups with cornerback Deion Sanders but also having his house burnt down by his wife,"Left Eye," a singer from a once popular female hip-hop group. So today's wide receivers are just following in the footsteps of their NFL ancestry. Along with over the top media coverage just adding fuel to an already raging inferno of inflated ego's, this behavior only seems to be multiplied and magnified to fit perfectly onto our flat screens and lap tops.

The athlete of today has an appetite for attention. They crave it, they need it and some would almost die without it. We as fans feed there self absorbed and self obsessed cries for love with applause and vindicate their insecurities just because they can run the 40 in 4.3 and jump higher off of the ground than most of us can off of a trampoline.

Having stated all of this I still think the Rams should have signed Terrel Owens. He has accumulated 14, 951 receiving yards while hauling in 144 touchdowns, 61 of those for 40 or more yards! He is a physical freak of nature, with the build of 20 something still much in his prime. He may have lost a step, but his swagger and big play ability still surpasses anything the Rams will roster this autumn.

His age should not be a factor as other older wideouts have proven in the past. Rod Smith of the Denver Broncos and an alum of Missouri Southern State caught 6 touchdowns and totaled 1,105 yards as a 36 year old. Jerry Rice tallied 1,157 yards and 9 TD's at the same age and All Pro Derrick Mason racked up 1,037 receiving yards at age 34 being targeted by a rookie quarterback named Joe Flacco of the Baltimore Ravens. To compare Donnie Avery last season led the Rams charge with 589 yards receiving and hit pay dirt just 5 times.

Media question T.O.'s drive and determination. They question his motives for still wanting to suit up in an NFL jersey at age 36. Well I will tell you why he still wants to play the brutal game that is American football. It is because he has a competitive desire to still win a championship. That is the one thing that his re'sume' lacks. A Super Bowl ring. He has been to one with Philadelphia, playing that game with an injury that was not fully healed while Donovan McNabb ran out of gas while losing to Tom Brady and New England. His 49er teams never made it and Tony Romo's Cowboy's have always seemed to be next years champs.

Now after a non eventful season playing in Buffalo, where the Bills had fired their offensive coordinator just weeks before the seasons kickoff resulting in a horrible offense. Terrell Owens, aging superstar, needs a home. A home that may not offer him a chance at a ring, but a chance at something maybe even more fulfilling. A chance to instill a winning attitude with a little swagger. A home where he can mold our young receivers into well rounded versatile wideouts. Sure he's 36 and his once crisp routes may take a little longer to develop, but with age comes wisdom.

To me it is about putting the most talented team on the field come September. NFL teams are not supposed to play for draft picks. No matter what his past consists of we should not turn a blind eye toward the numbers that he has put up. Those career statistics are not an accident. They were a direct result of natural talent, hard work and a determination that most pedestrians cannot fathom.

So as St. Louis fans anticipate the start of another disappointing gridiron season, they can look forward to their Rams trotting out on to the field pass catching stalwarts such as Donnie Avery, Danny Amendola and Keenan Burton instead of a potential Hall of Fame superstar. A superstar that may have required enough attention from defenses to allow Steven Jackson some breathing room to run and a big enough target for a rookie quarterback to find downfield before being driven to the turf exposing that vulnerable million dollar shoulder.

Now please excuse me a moment while I put the popcorn away.

Chris Kalna -- July 26th, 2010

Gooseggs and Goochers

By; Chris Kalna July 25, 2010

In the late 1980's a movie came out in theaters called "Stand By Me." It was a coming of age movie involving four teenage boys who take a journey across their rural county to look for a dead boy who was missing that had been hit by a train. It was set in the 1950's when times were still simple and listening to the radio was a genuine treat with mailbox baseball being the recreation of choice for any misguided teen with a driver's license. Money was scarce and having little the four boys pooled all of their change together while in route to Ray Brower's dead body to purchase some snacks at a five and dime. To reach the store however you had to trespass through an old junk yard which was guarded by an infamously fierce dog named Chopper. No one wanted to have to hear the dreaded phrase, "CHOPPER, SICK BALLS!" So to decide who had to get the food they chose to flip coins and whoever was the odd man out would have to try and avoid the vicious canine. After flipping the coins all four pieces of currency landed tails up meaning that it was a GOOCHER! To Vern, the husky one that could only mean one thing, doom. Sure it was a silly superstition, but most baseball players have them. Whether it is something as minute as not stepping on the foul line while heading back to the dugout or as extreme as sacrificing a live chicken to regain one's hitting stroke, like in the movie "Bull Durham," most baseball players exercise some form of superstition.

Apparently the Cardinals have had a few Goocher's this season. What else can explain their bouts of offensive anemia. Just after the All Star game, 98 games into the 2010 campaign the Cardinals have been shut out 9 times already. With 64 games remaining they are on pace to lay 16 gooseggs. Compare that with last years Central Division Champions who were the victim's of only 10 shut outs all season long. Referencing this statistic from a historical perspective does not bode well for this team's aspirations of reaching their 18th World Series appearance.

Going back to the Redbirds championship team of 1982, no Cardinal fall classic participant had been shut out more than 8 times in an entire season. The '82 team was blanked 6 times, the exciting track team of '85, 7 and the 1987 club was skunked on just 4 occasions. During this decade the 2004 National League Champs put up just 4 zeroes in 162 contests, the 105 win underachieving club of '05 had 6 and the overachieving 2006 World Series winners had only been shut out 8 times during their unlikely run in to October.

So how can a team with Albert Pujols, Matt Holliday, Ryan Ludwick and Colby Rasmus put up this many ovals? And why is it our first priority before the much anticipated trade deadline to acquire an arm before another productive bat?

If our potentially potent offense could contribute as well as our sharp pitching has thus far this team would be many games up instead of running neck and neck with the scrappy Cincinnati Reds for the Division lead. The power laden line up of St. Louis has scored 2 runs or fewer in 31 games. They have tallied 1 run in 12 different games, 2 runs in ten and like I mentioned before, they have been goosegged 9 times. During the 31 games in which the Birds have crossed the plate 2 or fewer times our pitchers have given the offense plenty to work with allowing 3 or fewer runs in 15 of those contests. Our overall record is 3-28 when we score 2 runs or less. Which would be acceptable if our pitching was as porous as the Cardinals lack of timely hitting. The Cards pitching has kept us afloat this season. 22 times this year has our muscle bound offense scored one run or less and yet our moundsman have kept up their end of the bargain by allowing only two or fewer runs to score in 11 of those games, yet they have only one win and 21 defeats to show for it. That is too many high quality starts gone wasted.

Imagine if this team could have capitalized on just over 50% of those 15 pitching gems and won 8 of those very winnable games. We would be 26 games over .500, 3 1/2 games out in front of the Reds and be tied for the best winning percentage in baseball with the New York Yankees.

That is why we need more offense before mortgaging our future away on a soon to be 33 year old pitcher in Roy Oswalt. A win now attitude is great, but if it means giving up too much for the future of this franchise is it worth it? Not in my humble opinion. The obvious concern to me is taking on Oswalt's contract might paint the Cardinals into a financial corner when Albert's contract talks begin again. Sometimes no move is the best move. I truly believe that this Cardinal team has had some bad breaks and the offense will become more consistent and productive as the dog days of August approach.

Sure it sounds like an unstoppable rotation throwing Cris Carpenter, Adam Wainwright and Roy Oswalt at the competition the rest of the way, but no amount of pitching will help us out of a short post season series against high quality starting pitching if our offensive struggles continue. Plus Rookie of the Year candidate Jaime Garcia's 9-4 record with a 2.21 e.r.a. is nothing to sneeze at. He is the only R.O.Y. we need.

So before this organization rushes to judgement and jeopardises the franchises future by trading for Dan Haren, whom we let go of in the first place or an over the hill Oswalt whose best years are behind him. Just remember those Whitey Herzog teams of the 8o's and even our recent championship squad of '06 when we overachieved and did more with less.

This team is stacked with talent. So let them play. I read recently in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch where Whitey was quoted as saying he would let his players play for 6 innings and if they were behind after that the game was his to win or lose. Well I believe Mr. LaRussa should do just that and take a page from the soon to be inducted Hall of Famer. Stick with a certain line up and just let' em play! No more benching Colby Rasmus for Randy Winn, benching Ryan Ludwick for no reason, and flipping middle infielders like they were those coins in the movie "Stand By Me." Maybe Tony has flipped his line up around one too many times and those Goochers are finally catching up with him! Now offense HIT BALLS!

P.S.,
Congratulations Mr. Herzog, on your induction into the hallowed Hall of Fame. You deserved this honor long ago, but better late than never. Thank you so very much for all of the memories.

Chris Kalna July 25, 2010

Reversal of Racism in America Today

Several years ago, controversial radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh was one of the pre-game anchors of the NFL. He, being an established celebrity personality and a very passionate football fan seemed to be the perfect fit to deliver opinions about the sport. Everything was running smoothly until one day when he expressed his personal thoughts regarding then Philadelphia Quarterback, Donovan McNaab of the Eagles. At the time McNaab had been struggling and the round table discussion centered on whether it was the QB's fault. Limbaugh responding to another anchor's opinion of the quarterback said that he never thought McNaab had ever been that good and that it was social angst propelled by both the media and the NFL to make him better than he actually was. Limbaugh suggested that the NFL and the media wanted to paint McNaab as the black hope of football. (no African American starting QB has ever won a Super Bowl, Doug Williams did for the Redskins but he was the back up and started by default) I compare that to boxing and the "Great White Hope" theory. For years boxing has not had a white heavyweight that dominated the sport since Rocky Marciano some 50 years ago. Anytime a white contender showed signs of greatness he was tagged the "great white hope." I cannot speak for Mr. Limbaugh but I believe this to be an accurate analogy. Though Rush was hired to give his opinion, he was fired for doing just that! He is still affected today by those harmless comments being recently turned down for an ownership bid of an NFL team in St. Louis. Many current and former black players spoke out against him, calling him a racist and promising never to play for such a man.

Ironically in the decade of the 80's the same thing happened to another pre-game football analyst, Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder. He was a sports odds maker who also was respected for his opinion. When being asked about race in sports he said that the black athlete was better. Because "they" were bred to be bigger. He went on to say that slave owners used to breed the biggest black slave with the biggest black women so that they would have a strong big black child. Though he went much farther on the subject of race in his comments and he happened to spew these word forth on Martin Luther King Day, he too was fired. He lost his job because he said some things in bad taste. There is absolutely no justifiable explanation for firing him though.

Another radio personality got himself in hot water for a statement about a Rutgers University women's basketball team. Don Imus, the long time New York star of his own syndicated radio show referred to the young ladies on the team as "rough lookin' girls," and nappy headed ho's. Although I do not think it sounds right for any white person to try and use Ebonics or the black vernacular that has been made popular in rap lyrics for 30 years. It is not justifiable to ruin a man's career because of a few hurtful words.

What has all of the young men and women over the years been fighting for overseas? FREEDOM! One of those freedoms concerns our ability to speak our minds. To voice our opinions, wrong or right, right or left. Freedom of speech no longer exists in this country, not as the Constitution was written at least. All men are created equal and want to be treated that way, but to accomplish that there cannot be double standards.

African Americans today have more freedom than any other time in this proud countries existence. In some situations a black person has more freedom to speak his thoughts openly than a white person. The consequences for giving your opinion today is not equal for the two races. "The only ni**ers on this planet are the white man and woman." A former college professor said these words while speaking about Katrina on the C-SPAN channel! His name is Kamau Kambon, an Author of racially divisive books and a anti-government loon. Kamau, 30 years ago "dropped out of the system." He and his wife, the President of College Psychologists were "at war." They stopped eating meat and dairy products because the white man wanted them dead! Slowly the white man wanted all blacks dead. They built a log cabin after moving from New York to North Carolina so that they would not have to "pay the white man" money. Because according to Mr. Kambon, the white man makes money from the black man's death. He went on to say that the only way to beat the white race was to exterminate them all! Now remember he was a college professor! How is that possible? Why is he allowed the freedom and ability to speak his mind without consequence? He said to "EXTERMINATE THEM ALL!" Not "nappy headed ho's." Yet one lost his job, the other was applauded on national television.

Our President has ties with two people guilty of reverse racism. Obama's Pastor of 20 years, Reverend Jeremiah Wright and his friend Father Michael Pfleger have consistently poured fuel on the subject of race in religion. Wright referred to America as the U.S. of KKK and said that black Republicans were sell outs and were "below sea level." He also God damned America and said that we deserved the destruction of 9/11 and while saying "our chickens had come home to roost." The Catholic Pfleger while speaking at the Chicago Trinity church, said that Senator Hillary Clinton had felt that she was entitled to the Presidency because she was born white! He said that unless the white people today were willing to give up there benefits, 401k's and trust funds then they were as guilty as slave owners.

Black civil right leaders have been guilty of the same sort of rhetoric also. Al Sharpton insisted on Don Imus being fired yet recently referred to Jews as interlopers. Jesse Jackson, the leader of the Rainbow Coalition called Jews Hymie's and said that they live in Hymie town! Just last week when LeBron James the most celebrated basketball star of this generation left Cleveland for greener hardwood pastures in Miami, the Cleveland owner sent out a public letter bashing LeBron. No where in that letter was race the subject, but Jesse Jackson said that he sounded like he had a slave owners mindset. What? That should not only offend white people but any black person with slave ancestry should be sickened and call for his job! Because LeBron James is making more money than I would see if I'd live a thousand years. Oh the oppression. Not to mention his nickname is King James.

Another disturbing case has just been dropped by African American Attorney General Eric Holder. King Shamir Shabazz, the leader of the New Blank Panther Party of Philadelphia, along with another Black Panther was being charged with intimidating voters at a polling place in 2008 during the November election. He was waving and threatening incoming voters telling them that they were wasting their time and verbally abusing several white people. He also was caught on tape at some small rally screaming, this is not verbatim, "I hate white people! I hate every white cracker whore there is. If you want freedom you gonna have to kill some crackers and kill some of their babies!" The sentencing was about to take place when out of nowhere Holder made the Justice Department drop the case! Why? Do you think maybe the NAACP, The Urban League or the ACLU might have had a hand in influencing their brother? Why is King Shabazz so angry? What makes any man that angry? He has every right to give his opinion, but when another man tries to insight murder, then he has to be stopped. There is an African American Attorney General and AN AFRICAN AMERICAN PRESIDENT! Does he really think he is helping his races cause by being a loud mouth, hate mongering bully? NO! He is just hurting his own cause.

It truly disgusts me. There is absolutely no place for that type of language anywhere in this great country. Through sacrifice and hard work, blood sweat and tears this country was built from scratch and has been the bastion of hope for many people all over this world. Color should not matter one bit. Not then and not now. The longer any race holds onto that kind of hate and bigotry the longer it will take this country to become color blind. The laws should apply to all people. If two KKK members would stand outside a polling place in Harlem in their cowardly garb, do you think that they would be allowed to do that? If black people themselves would not stop them by force you damn well know that law enforcement would!

So until all people of this nation are held equally accountable for both their words and their actions nothing can be changed or accomplished. Realizing our dreams will be but a dream. There always will be that tension between the races until this sort of double standard ends and people judge others not by the color of their skin, but by their character.

Our time here is so very short and as we float down life's winding river why muddy the waters with unwarranted hate and dislike for another human being just because of their skin color? Embrace our differences and eliminate the stereotypes we may have absorbed over the years. Try and think like a child. Innocent and not riddled with preconceived ideas about others. Do we not share the same wants? Good health, success defined individually, a family and a fair chance at being able to provide a comfortable life for the one's we love. That is all I need. That is all I want. And there is no better place in all the world than right here to accomplish those desires. Where anything is possible with hard work, determination and hope. But you can keep the change if King Shabazz represents it.

Chris Kalna (R) and One Proud American

B Word

Recently I watched CNN, formerly known as the Clinton News Network. They were interviewing Kathy Griffin. Griffin, a quasi-celebrity that has appeared on Seinfeld, Law and Order SVU and has had her own show proudly entitled The D-List. Making fun of herself for being lower on the celebrity totem poll then A-Lister's.

She has always been known for her brand of edgy comedy. This day though on the once respected news source she crossed a line by referring to Massachusetts Senator (R) Scott Brown's daughter's as prostitutes!

How is that even remotely funny? It is hack and gutter comedy at its worst. Knowing her shtick and style it was not a surprise. The reaction to that comment was though. The CNN female anchor that was co-interviewing Ms. Griffin laughed spontaneously at the classless insult hurled towards the innocent children of the Republican politician.

It is so very obvious if anything remotely close to this was said about any Democrats daughters, whether it be by Glenn Beck or Andrew Dice Clay their careers would be in jeopardy. The scrutiny that the liberal media would scorch down upon them would be relentless and heads would roll!

Griffin even had a few apologists on the ever so obnoxious morning show The View. Joy "I look like a cross between Alf and an Anteater" Bayhar said it was "just a joke." And the obese top heavy one said that the attack was more acceptable because his daughter's were adults. WHAT?
Poor Elizabeth did her best to demonize the detestable comments, but as usual on that lopsided show to no avail.

Imagine if Jeff Foxworthy or Nick Da Palo said that the Presidents daughters were prostitutes! NO ONE on the left would be laughing. Even I, being one to throw verbal hay makers would not condone that. Families should be off limits. A no talent, disgusting creature such as Kathy Griffin hitches her wagon to the stars of anyone she can gain publicity from. And it works. Sad as it is, I am talking about it. Plus when you have a face as pretty as the foam on a stagnant puddle of piss and you look like you were spawned from radioactive Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls you have to take desperate actions to remain relevant.

So in summation, any publicity is good publicity for D Lister's. See Andy Dick. But at what point will the main stream media drop the double standards and regain some journalistic integrity?

As for Kathy, this new controversy has raised her to the B-List level. The B standing for BITCH!

Chris Kalna July 20, 2010

Spoiled Brats

I recently read several letters directed to the sports editor of the St. Louis Post Dispatch. Within these passionate well constructed and thought out prose the architects of them did most nothing but complain about the state of affairs concerning their beloved Cardinals of St. Louis. The very same Redbirds that sit perched atop the Central Division of the National League ahead of their new upstart rival Cincinnati Reds by one half of one game. In layman's terms that means that they are in FIRST PLACE!

The same rhetoric is heard on local sports talk radio shows across the dial daily. Myself being a junkie of anything sport I fall asleep to the staticky sounds of insomniacs opining about the "underachieving" home team and awaken to the clearer version of the same redundant rants each morning that continue throughout the muggy Missouri days of summer.

I, of all people appreciate opinions. Anyone that is familiar with me knows that an abundance of personal thoughts spew forth, unprovoked and most likely unappreciated often. The fans that sit down and take the time to share these ideas should, at the very least be respected for corresponding their concerns about something that they obviously love and care much about. Seriously though, their team is in FIRST PLACE!

Across the state down I-70 the perennially floundering Kansas City Royals are stationed in 4th place, 11 games out of first and 13 games under .500, not to mention 25 years removed from their gift, I mean lone World Series title. Northeast of here our lovable loser "rival" Cubs of Wrigleyville are currently 10 1/2 games behind the "disappointing" Cardinal team and are well on there way to helping replace the term futility in Webster's with a photo of the Chicago franchise's insignia.

St. Louis baseball fans have been spoiled. Spoiled by the success of a Major League Baseball franchise unparalleled by any other besides the New York Yankees. As recently as the 1990's Cardinal Nation experienced an era of baseball, if not for Mark McGwire or the 1996 team that was nothing less than unforgettable. Damn Donovan Osborne and Chipper Jones!

When Whitey Herzog left during the 1990 campaign midway through the season because of the lack of commitment by ownership this franchise was in shambles. Our hopes rested on an aging Ozzie Smith and a guy named Felix Jose. A decade in which the birds on the bat lost 24 more games than they won and depended upon the long ball to rotate turn styles.

Though the 90's were not nearly as unsuccessful as the 1970's when butterfly collars and bell bottom jeans ruled wardrobes and 3 million fans sitting inside that old cookie cutter during a season was unfathomable. Not once during the time of disco did the Cardinals make the post season. While fielding teams that resembled the students of Gabe Kaplan's "Sweathogs" more than a professional baseball club. From '69 through '81 Cardinal teams remained absent during Autumn. Of course the 80's reminded Cardinal fans of the greatness embodied in the teams storied history. Reaching the World Series 3 times like that of the proud 1960's squads.

Like many things concerning America's pastime and America in general, baseball is cyclical. Like the return of vintage clothes St. Louis experienced another long post season drought. From 1988 to 1999 the Cards reached the playoffs only once. Making it all of the way to the 7th game of the 1996 season's NLCS to fall one game short to the team of the 1990's, the Atlanta Braves. Damn Donovan Osborne again!

Something happened post Y2k though. The Cardinals became regulars at the October parties of the post season and even danced in a few fall classics, surprisingly winning the 2006 Series while finishing the regular season just 5 games north of .500. The 2004 Cardinals won an amazing 105 games before falling to the predestined Red Sox and Curt Schillings bloody sock. They followed that season by accumulating another 100 wins in '05. During this decade of terrorism and change Cardinal nation witnessed a team that won 197 games more than they lost and have had the pleasure of watching one of the truly great players of any generation in Albert Pujols. As fans, this should be treasured and recognized, not belittled and bemoaned.

Personally, I would much rather watch a spirited pennant race in September than be 12 games ahead and become complacent and bored with that big lead entering October both stale and lethargic, waiting to be dispatched by a team carrying momentum.

So let yourselves enjoy these fruit bearing baseball times and embrace the race for the pennant. At least look on the bright side. You could reside in the Windy City or even worse, the post LeBron Cleveland! Oh the humanity.

Chris Kalna, July 20, 2010

Thou Shalt Not Steal

“THOU SHALT NOT STEAL” By: Chris Kalna


This simple four syllable phrase is our 8th Commandment and apparently our St. Louis Cardinals have adhered to this Biblical law since the turn of the century. During this decade the birds on the bat have been virtually paralyzed on the base paths. Today we have better odds of witnessing a triple play than a double steal and that is very unfortunate.
You see I grew up in the 80’s when Whitey Herzog’s “Jack Rabbits” scorched the Earth, or at least some Astroturf and manufactured more runs than Chrysler did cars. Now both are a thing of the past.

During that era I reveled in witnessing those powder blue jerseys screeching 90 feet, followed by a trail of dust, the players fingers clinging deathly tight to the bag at the end of their blazing journey, as if it were the last life jacket on the Titanic while waiting for an umpire to give them time.

I embrace nostalgia. Looking back often allows me a moment to appreciate a time when things seemed pure. When everything was simple. As a child Cardinal baseball was my Bible. Box scores being scripture and Jack Buck being my pastor. Realizing deep into a season, if a player had enough at bats, his average would raise two points with each hit and drop just one with each failure. If only life would be that black and white, that clear cut. That so very fair and simple.
So as a chubby young boy whom his parents promised was just “big boned,” I fell in love with the American Pastime. So much so, that I wore a different Cardinal shirt most every day. Tightly against my husky frame, my brilliant red shirts signified my allegiance to the heroes of my youth. During the winter months, being the dork that I was, I often separated two squares of paper towels. Placing one at the very end of my parents long hallway and the other just before the fireplace in the living room. They were my bases and I was Willie Dean McGee. #51. I would take my lead off, wait for the pitcher to get his sign and rumble down the hallway, sliding just before reaching the Brawny paper towel, feet first, striped tube socks almost cutting off circulation, to be called triumphantly safe by ANY umpire other than Don Denkinger! All the while praying for the first signs of Spring to rear its welcomed face. Sad I know, but those were the times of my Utopia. When baseball cards meant more to me than any girl I’d ever known and stealing bases was an art form long before any veins were pumped full of poison, making baseball’s look like Titleist’s and player’s heads like caricatures.

During this past decade the St. Louis Cardinals have stolen 817 bases, or ONE LESS than the top three Cardinal stolen base teams of the 80’s. In the pennant Winning year of 1987 the Redbirds swiped 247 bags, in the down year of ‘86 they stole 260 and during the ‘85 campaign they accumulated a ridiculous 311 pilfers, just 30 shy of the modern day record of the 1976 Oakland Athletics! In total that decade of Cardinal teams stole 2,049 bases or 1,232 more than this decade of Cardinal teams.

Even throughout the‘90’s the Redbirds remained a threat on the base paths never tallying less than 100 steals except for the Strike effected seasons of ‘94 and ‘95. The most bases stolen during the last ten seasons by a St. Louis club was accomplished by the 2004 World Series participants in which they thieved 113 bags, 23 more than any other St. Louis team of the new millennium. WOW! What a difference an era makes. Granted thievery is down league wide and has always been a cyclical trend ever since Babe Ruth discovered his swing and Ty Cobb despised him for it. Yet I see no reason for abandoning such an efficient strategy for allowing your big bats a better chance.

According to the voters we wanted change. Well we got it. The Cardinals of 2007 stole 57 bases as a club, compared to Willie McGee’s 56 in ‘1985 AND HE WAS SECOND ON THE TEAM! Vince Coleman set a rookie record that season by stealing 110 bases. To put that in perspective the All Time stolen base leader, Rickey Henderson had 11 seasons of more than 57 bases stolen!
Considering the fact that this years underachieving team has been shut out more than Glenn Beck at an Al Gore Massage Therapy Class. Should we not manufacture more runs? Is it not better to have a man on second rather than first? A player on third as opposed to second? So when we see Albert Pujols leading our team this year in stolen bases it is comparable to Mickey Mantle leading an AA meeting for the ‘61 Yankees. It just does not make good sense. When runs are more difficult to come by then handshakes at a swine flu convention, then make a real change! Turn ‘em loose! Make Colby into Willie, Brendan into Ozzie and let Albert do what he does best. Hit with RISP! Because sometimes you have to reach back to stay a step ahead.

Today’s Cardinal team lacks a true lead off hitter. Imagine if Holliday, Pujols and Ludwick had just one run creator like Ozzie, Vince or Willie? JUST ONE! Instead we get to sit idly by as we watch the much maligned manager Tony LaRussa try and pull a rabbit out of his cap each time he fills out a line up card. Crossing fingers and playing hunches that maybe, just maybe he finds the right nine. The one through nine that can finally put up some consistent crooked numbers without breaking the 10th Commandment. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbors Goods. And why should we? The Royals are a laughing stock and the Cubs have not won a World Series in 101 seasons!

Chris Kalna, July 12, 2010